


A Flame Estinguished

by Catnip_3



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Dream Knows CPR :0, Dream is sad too, Drowning, Hopeful Ending? Maybe?, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm sorry I wrote this, Life Vs. Death, Sapnap is lonely, Sorry Not Sorry, Suicide Attempt, Swimming Pools, Third-wheels, What Would You Choose?, author is sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2020-09-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:49:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26487448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Catnip_3/pseuds/Catnip_3
Summary: Sapnap had always loved flames, this has never changed. Today, he decides he wants to be just like a flame. Except, you can easily extinguish fire with water. Uh oh.OrSapnap is lonely and decides enough is enough. What is his life worth if no one pays any attention to him anyway?
Relationships: Clay | Dream & GeorgeNotFound & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream & GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), GeorgeNotFound & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 149





	A Flame Estinguished

**Author's Note:**

> Soo. I made another angst one-shot (Surprising, I know.) that I think you’ll enjoy. This addresses/ talks about a topic dear to my heart (I experienced it once or twice) that I haven't really written about.
> 
> It’s not that detailed for reasons but I think all in all I did pretty well with it! *toots horn* :)
> 
> I hope you enjoy it and if you get triggered easily, well, you’ve been warned!

Ever since he was young, Sapnap always felt drawn towards fire. This feeling doubled when he started YouTube and he steadily became well-known amongst households. 

Being drawn towards fire wasn’t bad per say, in fact Sapnap felt that his connection to the crackling flames said many things about his character. 

Fire was bright and loud, when there was fire it was noticed. Fire was majestic and gained respect and attention. 

However, it took a lot of effort to work up a flame and get it to grow into more than a small spark. 

This was fire’s one fault, it took a lot of time to build it up but it could easily be destroyed. 

As amazing and powerful as fire was, water could easily come and ruin all or any progress. 

This is how he wanted to leave, just like fire.

Sapnap finds it funny that what built him up is also what destroyed him in the end. 

Minecraft made his career and whenever he had a bad day he could go on Minecraft and his day would get better. His YouTube channel was based around Minecraft and he met most of his friends on there too. 

So… why was it what destroyed and ruined him? 

It started like it always started; for the 50th time that month Dream and George were playing together without inviting Sapnap. The truth is even when Sapnap did join he was the awkward third wheel because those two were bestfriends and he was just the awkward extra friend. 

But it wasn’t just them. Everyone had someone else. Techno has Wilbur, Bad has Skeppy, Tommy has Tubbo, and so on and so forth. 

Who did Sapnap have?

Himself? 

He felt so, so _alone._

So finally one day he woke up and decided it was time. He was tired of feeling alone and today he was going to solve it.

That led to now and how fire was being extinguished by water. 

Sapnap was in his backyard, inground pool. He was floating and he had never felt so free.

But, he wasn’t floating like any other person would float. 

No, he was floating with his whole body in water. His body was protesting but his will stayed strong.

Sapnap continued to float and soon, too soon yet not soon enough his body slowly started to give up. His lungs no longer protested the incoming water and his muscles didn’t involuntarily twitch anymore.

He… felt at _peace._

Along with his body, his oxygen-starved brain started to slow and his mind became fuzzy. Colors blurred together and sound no longer had meaning. 

He felt weightless and Sapnap couldn’t be more grateful for it. 

The flame in his soul started to

_Dim,_

_Dim,_

_Extinguished._

_The water had won._

...But, as blackness took over his mind and body, two hands pulled the young man from the deep depths. 

…

...Sapnap couldn’t help but get frustrated. Who was pounding on his chest and why?

Couldn’t they just leave him alone, he just wants to sleep a little longer. 

Yet, the pounding continued and Sapnap realized belatedly that he should probably be feeling that.

Instead, he felt nothing but the all consuming darkness. He was inclined to snuggle up the comforting darkness and let sleep over take him once again but something was holding him back.

What was it again?

As if that question was what the light was waiting for, suddenly Sapnap realized that along with the pounding there was a voice.

A voice that sounded scared and panicked and shaky. If Sapnap thought about it hard enough, he almost thought he recognized the voice as well. 

After another moment of thinking, Sapnap suddenly gasped and in a split-second; he was back in his body. 

It was a whirlwind of feelings and emotions that overtook and overpowered him like a tidal wave. 

One by one the aches and pains in his body made themselves known. But that didn’t concern him, what concerned him was the yelling above him. He couldn’t see who it was -his eyes were closed- but it was a deep instinctual feeling.

_Clay._

The water in his ears drained out and he could hear the man clearly. ‘-ICK! Please! GOD! WAKE UP PLEASE!’

He sounded out of breath and Nick realized that was because Clay was doing CPR on him. 

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Nick had forgotten that before all this sadness took over him, he invited Clay over for dinner. Of course, it was today of all day’s that Clay was supposed to come over.

‘It’ll be okay! JUST HANG ON!’ 

Nick realized that he had a choice. He could fight, like a flame would, against the elements and try to survive or he could give up and surrender. 

What should he do? He wasn’t Sapnap anymore, he was just Nick. Lonely, sad Nick. 

He took a figurative breath and continued to listen to Clay’s pleas. He was _begging_ his friend to come back to him.

He couldn’t let him down, not again.

With hardened resolve, Nick fought against the weight on his eyelids. They felt heavy and it took a few tries until he carefully blinked them open.

His mind was still foggy but two things registered quickly. 

One, Clay must’ve dragged him out of the pool because he was laying on his back a few feet away from the water.

Two, his body was exhausted yet it was still screaming at him because he couldn’t breath.

He could breath…

Nick’s eyes widened a little and with the little energy he had left, he tried to turn to the side. His lungs were currently fighting against the water that invaded them and he was stuck wheezing and coughing up water.

A pair of hands gently helped turn the poor man a little more so it was easier for him to expel the water. 

Nick was so busy coughing up water that it took a moment for him to realize Clay was mumbling reassurances to him over and over. 

‘It’s okay, Nick. Get it out. Get it out. There you go.’

After most of the water was out of his lungs and his body could greedily take in oxygen (though it did burn his throat to do so), Nick turned onto his back once more with the help of Clay. 

He blinked and looked up at Clay in fear of what his friends’ eyes would reveal. Brown met green and regret passed through Nick.

Clay’s eyes reflected pain, misery, hurt, and much more but mostly they were huge pools of fear. As Nick looked for more emotions, he was surprised to see there wasn’t a single glint of disappointment in his eyes or on his face.

Again, regret accompanied with shame this time shot through him. 

His body had fought well but he was still weak. He felt the needing call of sleep and knew it wouldn’t be long.

With the last strength he had, Nick whispered what he had wanted to say all this time.

‘I’m so, so sorry Clay.’ 

Nick let his eyes fall shut and sleep over took him as his lungs still battled for much needed oxygen.

…

_I’m so, so sorry Clay. I’m sorry that I couldn’t fight this sadness that welled up inside me.  
I’m sorry that I let the flame of life extinguish within my soul and I slowly lost myself because of it.  
I’m sorry that I didn’t come to you for help. I was scared of the disappointment I was sure would be in your eyes.   
I’m sorry that I got lost and thought death was the path to take.   
So, Clay, I’ll say what I couldn’t before; I need help. Please, help me fight this._

**(To those who will see this last bit offensive it is not meant to be like ‘you tried to commit suicide; you should be apologizing to me because I had to deal with it!’ kind of thing - no. This is how I feel Sapnap would think and feel. I think he would blame himself for this and be sorry to Dream because he had to put him through it. Of course, that’s not right at all but again, that’s how I think Sapnap would feel)**

**Author's Note:**

> The End!
> 
> Hope you guys enjoyed it and tell me what you thought in the comments! I tried a new writing technique and I want to know what you thought about it. 
> 
> I’ll be updating my L’manberg AU tomorrow (hopefully) so stay tuned for that and for the more serious part of the story:
> 
> If you are experiencing depression or suicidal thoughts/actions, get help. It’s okay to need help and it really does help to talk about it! It’s going to be okay! You're amazing and smart and funny and the world needs you! Keep fighting because I guarantee it will get better! <3 
> 
> Sincerely, 
> 
> Catnip? No way man.


End file.
